STAYING ALIVE

Christopher Reeve's Widow Dies of Cancer -

This is one of today's headlines which came as a shock to me. Reading the article left me with deep mournfulness. We all know how superman battled paralysis and how his wife, Dana, threw herself into caring for him until he died. Shortly after, she was diagnosed with cancer and now she too had passed away. The saddest thing is that their only son is now an orphan at just 13 years of age (the age at which most kids mourn the loss of their first love or first kiss.... I know I did). I couldn't help but ask the question why. And yes, I should know better than to question God's ways no matter how things sometimes don't make sense. But I can confess that I am now one who is determined not to die young. I never gave death a serious thought until I became a mother. Trust me, one of motherhood's gifts is habitual morbid thinking, usually triggered by news on crimes, accidents and diseases... sensationalised or otherwise. Suddenly, I was saying to myself "Well, I can't just die now, can I? It's absolutely out of the question." Because I have a child who depends on me and needs me to be there for her, I have to stay alive. Because no one, absolutely no one can ever replace a mother, I have to stay alive. This explains my over protectiveness of myself (add to my fervent prayers for long and healthy life). I use the pedestrian lane when crossing. I never cross the road until the green man is on, doesn't matter if there are no cars around. My friends and work colleagues know they have to be the safest driver when i'm their passenger - my famous words... "I'm a mum. There is a child waiting for me to come home tonight." I have opted to forego a few opportunities of adventure like taking a helicopter ride for a scenic view of beautiful New Zealand and crossing the sea aboard a boat in San Francisco to get to Alcatraz for fear of some freak accident happening and I'd die. Take me to a theme park and the craziest ride i will take is cups and saucers. Gone are the days of Cherry looking for the thrill that only the wackiest roller coaster can give. The temptation to bunjy jump off the Sky Tower can sometimes get so irresistible. Thanks but no thanks. Call me chicken, paranoid, boring or whatever and I'll take it. But not the thought of Cerise losing a parent. Especially because I myself don't know yet what that's like. . . thank God! And I will never know what it's like to lose a parent at a young age and so how am I suppose to provide her guidance and lecture on tragedies of such? Okay, okay, there is an element of selfishness going on here too. I want to stay alive because I want to see Cerise grow up into a woman and witness every important aspect of her life. What kind of a stagemother am I if I can't be around for all of those times? Whatever the case, I calculate my risks more than I ever have for it is my duty to stay alive.