All is well that ends well.

I'm back.

I'd disappear and reappear feeling more guilty than the last time I disappeared and reappeared. I'd take comfort in thinking that most bloggers share this guilt. Although I'm not checking other friends' blogs just yet in case I'm proven wrong. I'll do that after I finish this post.

So anyway, it's been... what?... 3 months. Hmmmm... not bad. I've been known to have been missing in action much longer than that. Within those 3 months, big things have happened. For one, we ended year 2007 with a consequential event on the 8th of December... Edwin's heart attack. Wow, those words still shock me to the core, no matter how many times I've said and written it. It doesn't stop to scare me what with the constant reminder from numerous doctor's appointments, lab tests and medications. I am now torn between reliving the moment by making an account of that day and pushing the memories to the back of my mind. Perhaps I can start with the photos I ominously took that morning. I say ominous only because at the end of that rather long day, I had the thought that it could have very well been the last photo taken of Edwin. (Stop it, Cherry! You can't think like that!) ... Don't mind me. I find myself talking to myself more often these days to get rid of bad thoughts like that.

It was Saturday. Nothing seemed unusual. We were all in a cheerful mood and looking forward to the Christmas party that Edwin's office was holding for the employees' kids (I miss those. I had them at NZ Herald but I don't at Haymarket Media.. perhaps because I'm one of 8 people in the entire company who have kids?) Anyway, I'm digressing... We went out for breakfast then did our first (and only, as it turned out) pre-Christmas and that we-have-two-weeks-before-our-trip-to-NZ-so-better-get-those-presents sort of shopping for kids of friends which proved to be challenging so we decided we'd give it another go after the party. I had the camera with me for the party and I had the thought of taking a photo of our car as we were heading to the car park. We hadn't taken one since we got it. It was really for insurance purposes more than anything, I thought. I decided to include Cerise.



Then I directed Edwin to join in. So between 11am and 4pm, Edwin went from this...

... to this.

One cannot mistake the change in costume and setting but the smile was at least there at the end of the drama.

Cerise, on the other hand, was in full swing at the party....

... and that didn't change one bit even after rushing out of the party midway and completely missing Santa Claus' gift giving session, trips to two hospitals one being in an ambulance with the siren going, and one hour of anxious waiting for Daddy's stent procedure to finish.

She was, for a brief moment distressed at the waiting room. Suddenly, she stopped playing her Nintendo DS (which came in sooooo handy during that one hour wait, by the way) and started sobbing. I wasn't quite sure how to manage it but I thought I'd find out first how much understanding she had of the situation. Instead of assuming she was in tears because of Daddy not being well, I wanted her to tell me in her own words what she thought was going on and how she felt about it.

Mummy: Oh, Cerise. Are you sad?

Cerise: Yes. (tears and more tears)

Mummy: Why? Tell me why?

Cerise: Because I missed Santa Claus and now I won't have my Christmas present from him!

I was dumbfounded but it gave me the laugh and the hope that I needed that very moment when time stood still. We hugged. I cried and giggled at the same time. I knew then that everything was going to be alright. And indeed it was. Edwin came out of theatre giving me a thumbs up and a big smile. Biggest relief!

The quick turn of events, the rapid change of scenes, the rollercoaster of emotions... all of which were surreal. I remember myself trembling but was quick in my movements; crying (more loudly inside) but managed to keep calm in front of Cerise; thinking I ought to be distraught and physically exhausted but the adrenalin kept me going I suppose; my mind racing but thinking straight at the same time; wanting to be worried but my faith in God seeing us through it never waivered. I had that voice inside me saying "it's all good".

I asked Edwin if he'd seen his life flash before his eyes as they always say happens when one goes through near death experience. He said he didn't but only prayed to God that he was leaving his life in His hands.

Interesting... funny even, because I thought I saw life flash before MY eyes! Always the drama queen, that's me.