what do you want to be when you grow up?

It's becoming clear that my daughter has been watching too much reality television with me for out of the blue (like, we were quietly reading on our own side by side) she spoke for the very first time and with all seriousness of her dream that seemed to have just dawned on her in that moment...

CERISE: "Mummy, I want to be the biggest loser."

Now isn't that just every parent's nightmare?!

I thought I was going to have a heart attack but I ended up laughing out loud.

quoted

From a book I finished reading last weekend....

"Life is a riddle. Children are the answer."

I couldn't agree more.

Toddler Has Left the Building

My first thought when I woke up this morning... "I miss the patter of Cerise's little feet." Wasn't it just yesterday when her walking around the house sounded like running because her steps were too short and brisk? I remember well how the sound of her footsteps always brought a smile to my face and made me giggle at the thought of her coming to me first thing in the morning. This usually prompted me to hide under the covers and pretend I wasn't there but of course she knew and would instantly jump on me and join me under the duvet. This was a special game we used to play everyday....

EXCEPT for one Saturday when someone came knocking at the door at 9am. Edwin was out, to get groceries I think, Cerise was awake playing about while Mummy was trying to sleep in. Cerise hurriedly woke me up so I could get the door. Peeved, I forced myself up and checked who it was. Prayed it was one of my in-laws with an emergency just so this interruption to my slumber is justified but also prayed it wasn't a relative with an emergency coz that would just be devastating. I got to the door and saw the same Jehovah's witness who's knocked at our door in the last 5 years.

I signalled Cerise to be quiet (that old ssshhhh gesture of placing your forefinger on your lips), swayed my head towards the bedroom (my gesture for ignore-the-man-at-the-door-pretend-we-don't-hear-him) and tried to get her excited to play THE game under the duvet. I quickly ran and pulled the duvet over me and waited for Cerise to follow suit. To my horror, she instead chuckled and screamed the words "Mummy, are you hiding?!" "I want to hide too!" with much vigor she may as well have mowed the lawns and woken up the entire neighbourhood. That was the public announcement of my first sin for the day - not answering to God's call. My second sin for the day? Lying to Cerise... for after those innocent yet dreadful words from her, I had the nerve to respond with "No! I'm not hiding. I'm just trying to get more sleep and I wanted to play a game." ... and still ignored the Jehovah's witness. Bad, bad, bad mother!

Today I realise the patter of little feet seems to have been absent for a long time now. My angel is a baby no more. Her steps and pace are not quite like an adult's yet but are more deliberate than a toddler's. It's strange how this saddens me.

Although, she still makes mornings vibrant and beautiful when her head pokes from under the duvet and she speaks of morning greetings, hugs me and I smell her breath that's as sweet as the first time I smelled it when she was born. I think to myself now, "savour these moments because before long, I'd be longing for these as much as I long for the patter of her little feet.

Q & A between mum and her school age kid

MUM: So, what's a butcher, Cerise?

CERISE: He turns pigs into sausages!

Isn't it funny how she put it?

confessions of a 5 year old

last night, cerise played with our bingo set and lost one ball for no. 42.
edwin scolded her for not looking after her stuff.
she was very apologetic and offered to look for it but edwin told her to sleep and he'll look for it as it was too late in the evening.
i told cerise to say her prayer and say sorry to jesus because daddy won't hear any of it.
This was her prayer (eyes closed):

Lord, I'm sorry for losing the bingo ball
(teary eyed and chin trembling)

I miss you God!
(voice getting louder as she tries to stop herself from crying yet tears started falling down her cheeks)

Please be with me.
(more tears, unable to control herself, hiccupy sobs)

(cerise turns to me and ask "does God sleep, mummy?" to which I answered "No, He doesn't so he can look after you while you sleep")
(cerise resumes her prayer)

God, I do want you to sleep.
(less tears this time)

Go ahead and sleep now.
(eyes almost dry)

Bless me and mummy and Daddy.
Thank you Lord. Amen
(suddenly she wails again!)

Mummy tried to comfort her, while trying her best not to laugh.

Ready... Jet Set... Fly!

8th of January 2006, Edwin, Cerise and I arrived Manila, Philippines. It had been nearly 6 years since we last had a dose of this city.

Right after the new year celebrations and while we were getting packed for the much anticipated trip, Cerise asked me why I was putting away all our christmas decorations, in an undeniably protesting and sad tone. "Because Christmas is over.", I quipped, feeling triumphant that I managed to avoid the impending argument and negotiation. So that at touchdown in Manila and as soon as we stepped out of the plane... as we made our way to customs and found ourselves surrounded by lights and a heart-stirring atmosphere brought about by the live music and the warm smiles and voices of those musicians greeting us, Cerise's first words were "But Mummy, why do they still have their christmas decors up?!" I knew that question marked the beginning of a debate I thought I successfuly avoided.

In situations like this, I would normally stick to my word (that christmas is over) and give her a straightforward answer in which case I would have said, "They just haven't got around to putting them down yet." End of story. Instead, I replied with "Because Christmas here is not over yet. Because they love Christmas here." I went on to explain "In Manila, it's Christmas everyday!" And to myself I whispered "I am home.", fighting back tears.

I expected Cerise to argue and remind me that I said Christmas was over and there's just no way the case would be different in some other parts of the world. Instead, she believed and accepted that Christmas in the Philippines goes on and on and on. Perhaps because in her heart the Philippines is simply THAT special. The streets were still alive with Christmas trees and heaps of beautiful parol (traditional christmas lantern) whose colours made a huge impression on her.

We couldn't tell exactly how but both Edwin and I agreed the airport had some marked improvements. It was just waaaaay different from when we were there in 2000. Could it be the Christmas spirit enveloping the entire building? The new tiles and carpet? Weren't they there before? Better airconditioning maybe? Or could it be that we simply felt very much at home again?

The heat wasn't too bad either. I remember in May 2000, stepping out of the plane, I felt difficulty in breathing. Even more when we stepped out of the airport. So now I've come up with a list of reasons why January is the best time to travel to Manila.

1. Cerise is on school holiday for that entire month

2. the heat is totally bearable

3. christmas and new year being over, public places are not as crowded and busy

4. i'm bound to shop hard! I mean, I already knew the shops in Manila have the potential to put me on high (is that how you say it?). But this time around, with christmas and new year being over, retail shops were on sale! And I'm talking about mouth watering sale! Like, got-to-wear-comfortable-shoes-and-clothes-and-ensure-I-take-my-iron-tablets-and-nourish-my-body-with-good-food-and-plenty-of-water-and-get-enough-sleep-for-quick-and-straight-thinking-and-good-judgment-because-time-is-of-the-essence-and-I've-got-to-be-able-to-handle-the-madness sale!